How to Teach Your Kids about Self-care
The new school year began this week for many Australian kids. It begins another year of COVID disruptions with new protocols to follow, remote learning for some, masks in classrooms and limits on extra-curricular activities. It's tough for the kids, parents and teachers to navigate the ongoing challenges.
Our kids are resilient and many rise to the challenge without skipping a beat. Others struggle with the constant uncertainty and find themselves anxious and unsettled. However your kids are feeling about the new school year, we can help by teaching them about self-care.
TEACH YOUR KIDS IT'S OKAY TO REST
"Turn off the tv and go and clean your room."
If I had a dollar for every time I said this to my three teenagers sprawled across the couch on a Saturday afternoon. It wasn't until I'd said this way too many times before I realised what I was doing. I was taking something important away from my kids.
Just like me, they needed downtime. They need time to rest, time to switch off, time to waste. I could help my kids learn that we don't need to wait until the to-do list is done before taking some time for fun. The mess will still be there when the show is over.
TEACH YOUR KIDS ABOUT MARGINS
At the beginning of the year, it is tempting to sign up for all of the activities that take their fancy. There are so many amazing opportunities for our kids to experience. They can sing and dance, try countless sports, play musical instruments, learn martial arts and how to ride a horse. The list is endless. They are all good and valuable for our kids to be a part of. There is, however, such thing as too much of a good thing.
Teach your kids about margins. Help them learn to have some spare capacity for when assignments are due at the same time as the football finals season. Help them say 'no' to something they want in order to say 'yes' to something even better. They can't do everything.
Set some realistic limits to the number of extra-curricular activities your kids can choose and help them make good choices about how to spend their limited time.
TEACH YOUR KIDS ABOUT PERSPECTIVE
Every teacher passionately believes the subject they teach is the most important in the curriculum. Every school assembly tells our kids that getting high academic results is the key to success in life. The pressure steadily increases, and our kids in their final years of high school internalise the idea that the rest of their lives depends on the results of just a few exams and assignments.
I understand. Education is important and doing well at school is a good thing. But often our kids are under enough pressure, and without realising it, we just add to it. The thing is, we rarely do our best work under pressure. We do our best when we feel safe, encouraged, accepted and unconditionally loved.
My encouragement is to allow your kids to come home from school to a safe and supportive environment and be careful not to put unnecessary pressure on your kids. They probably feel that already. And the truth is, even if they don't get straight A's, if your kids have a good work ethic and are friendly and kind, they will be fine. Your life does not depend on your grades at school.
TEACH YOUR KIDS ABOUT HEALTH
The foundation of self-care is the basics of good health. Teach your kids about the importance of getting enough sleep, limiting screen time, eating a healthy diet, and getting some exercise. Of course, the best way to teach this is to model it ourselves.
GET THEM TALKING
You probably know this yourself. When I am struggling with anxiety or worry, I feel much better after a simple conversation with someone I can trust—someone who will simply listen, share my struggle, and pray for me. Create the time and space to talk honestly with your kids. My husband took our kids on regular 'dates'. Often I found the car a good place to talk. They can't go anywhere and you're not awkwardly looking face to face, and somehow that helps. Be prepared to listen without judging or giving unsolicited advice. Be a safe place for your kids to simply share their worries and concerns. And pray with them.
ASK FOR HELP
Sometimes our kids face things we don't know how to deal with as parents. Don't wait. Ask for professional help. My kids have had to face some big scary situations in their young lives and I have been very grateful for the help of mental health professionals. They have given my kids the tools to cope and thrive in the face of challenges I couldn't help them with. You are not alone as a parent. There are people who can help you and your family face the big stuff.
HAVE FUN TOGETHER
The best self-care is having fun. Play, laughter, creativity and connection are the best mental-health medicines. As the world spins out of control, as we cope with all the challenges of an uncertain and worried world, create opportunities for your family to laugh together. Make memories together. Create a safe, happy home for your kids to wake up to each morning and retreat to at the end of each day.
This is a difficult season for parenting. I feel for my family and friends with school-aged kids. I know I would have found it really hard and I am very blessed that our kids are going really well despite the challenges. I pray as you care for your kids with wisdom and patience, you will take the time to take care of yourselves as well.
How have you helped your kids learn the importance of self-care?
