How to Raise Minimalist Children
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Let's face it—it's hard to be a minimalist when you have young children. Kids need a lot of stuff! They grow out of almost every piece of clothing they own every season, they need entertaining constantly, and to be honest, there are so many cute, educational and useful things we can buy for our little angels. We don't want our kids to be the ones who miss out.
Before we know it, we are drowning in stuff— toys, shoes and clothes fill our homes. We end up with an organisational nightmare, constantly tackling laundry piles, messy bedrooms and cluttered living rooms. It becomes a frustration for us and the topic of much yelling, bribing and tears. We spend our mornings franticly looking for lost belongings and our weekends cleaning, sorting and maintaining our stuff, ready to tackle a new week of chaos. I know. I've lived this reality.
This was my story. I had three kids close together in age and a house full of all the things we thought we needed. The problem was I was constantly stressed, feeling like a failure as a mother and homemaker. My messy house was an embarrassment to me, and having company was stressful rather than a joy.
I remember browsing in my local Christian bookstore and discovering Sandra Felton. I devoured her books and began a journey to be more organised. (I started with Messie No More) I continued to read books about minimalism (such as The Joy of Less by Francene Jay) and simplifying life (like Simplify by Joshua Becker), and gradually changed how I managed my home and parented my children.
I didn't always get it right. I learned a lot by making mistakes and feeling the pain of regret. But looking back, I did some things right. My three children are now grown up and have each embraced their own kind of minimalism. Their homes may not be tidy all the time, but I am confident they won't make many of the mistakes I made when I was their age.
Here are some strategies to help instil a minimalist mindset in your children:
model minimalism
As with most things in parenting, our values are caught more than taught. We can't expect our kids to have a healthy relationship with possessions if we don't model it clearly.
Don't buy things you don't need. Don't buy multiple duplicate items (how many white shirts do you need?), don't buy things simply because they are on sale, don't go shopping for entertainment.
Model the one in–one out principle, replacing things as they wear out rather than accumulating more and more belongings. Do one project at a time rather than having a room full of random craft supplies. Follow a meal plan rather than having a fridge and pantry full of deteriorating ingredients. Build a capsule wardrobe of classic pieces that mix and match together rather than having a closet full of clothes you rarely wear. Your kids will follow your example without having to teach them anything.
find sticky language
Language is a powerful tool. We remember jingles, proverbs and lyrics. These little sayings stick in our memory and have the power to mould our behaviour. Using 'sticky language' and teaching your kids the principles to go along with it can last a lifetime.
There are lots of classic sayings. Borrow them from ancient proverbs, Bible verses, and popular wisdom. The best sticky statements for your family are the ones you and your kids come up with yourselves.
Here are some of my favourites:
A place for everything and everything in its place. —English Proverb
Use money and love people. —Joseph Prince
You cannot pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first. —Maya Angelou
Be content with what you have. —Hebrews 13:5
Do you need it? Do you love it? Do you use it?
Ask why before you buy. —Francine Jay
Spend less than you make. —Charlie Munger
Godliness with contentment is great gain. —1Timothy 6:6
be generous
One of the best ways to teach minimalism to your kids is to make them aware of those less fortunate than your family and find ways to be generous. Finding a good home for the things you no longer need changes the context of decluttering for your kids.
I'll never forget the Sunday our church promoted a ministry to refugees and new migrants with a touching video story in the church service. It opened the conversation with our kids about how the toys they don't play with anymore could be given to children who don't have any toys. Donating our unwanted things became an act of generosity. Decluttering now had meaning and purpose. It wasn't about us anymore.
Find a worthy cause or needy family who can use the things you no longer need. Involve your children in the decision making and giving process. Kids can be incredibly generous when given the opportunity.
teach value
There is no better teacher than the pain of regret and the consequences of bad decisions. It's so hard not to save our kids from the pain of the mistakes they make! We can easily replace lost shoes, find lost library books and tidy messy rooms, but if we keep shielding our kids from the consequences of their actions, they never get to learn.
I remember my son missing out on weeks of recess playtime because he lost his school hat and had to save up to replace it. (Our school had a 'no hat no play' policy.) I could easily have just bought him a new hat, but he needed to learn his belongings' value and take better care of his things.
As our kids grew up and got jobs of their own, they had to learn to manage their money well. This was done by feeling the pain of their mistakes and the joy of success. You do not need to explain the benefits of saving to a high schooler who has paid cash for their first car with the money they worked for and saved themselves! They totally get it.
prioritise things that aren't things
The greatest joy of minimalism is having space in your life for the most important things. Your kids know what is most important to you. They know if work is more important than family. They know if your marriage is more important than your hobbies. They know if maintaining your home is more important than time with them. Many of these decisions are not clear cut yes or no; they are tensions that need to be gently managed in different seasons. Give your kids some insight into your decision-making process, and be ready to apologise when you can't keep your promises. Honesty goes a long way in building healthy relationships.
