Mary & Martha
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The account of Jesus' visit to the home of Mary and Martha at the end of Luke 10 is one of my favourites. I love the way Jesus broke cultural expectations, welcoming Mary to join his disciples learning at his feet. I can picture the frazzled Martha coming to Jesus to complain, making a scene in front of the men, only to be disappointed by Jesus' response. It's a great story, and we are familiar with the ending. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.
The meaning of Jesus words is clear. Women everywhere should ignore all housework and spend their time with Jesus. Simple. Well, perhaps not precisely.
So, how do we apply Jesus' response to Mary and Martha to modern family life? There is food to prepare, laundry to wash and mess to clean. There are jobs to do, Jesus, and if Martha doesn't get to work, everyone is going hungry.
Is it okay to ignore the housework and read our Bible and pray all day? I don't think so, and I believe there are some clues in Jesus' encounter with Martha that help us find a balanced response. Here are three lessons I think we can learn:
examine expectations
What was Martha striving for? What kind of meal was she preparing? Was it nourishing and homely, or was she going above and beyond to impress her guests and make everything perfect?
We all know, the person who cares most about the food at a dinner party is the host. Dinner is rarely about the food, the tables settings, the decorations etc. What we remember, what we look forward to and enjoy, are the people around the table—the conversations, sharing stories, laughter, memories, and tears. And we do this best over food! This is the heart of hospitality. Food gives us a reason, but it is not the main act.
A friend of mine recently posted on her social media, "Don't make sandwiches Jesus didn't ask you to make. –Martha" This is brilliant! She was reading Dreaming with God by Bill Johnston (now on my reading list). Martha was going above and beyond what Jesus was asking. And we can get caught in that trap too. There are so many opportunities out there to exercise our Martha muscles; we cross the line from what Jesus calls us to and, in our pride (or insecurity, or sense of obligation), we add and add and add.
assess Your attitude
We don't know explicitly from the Biblical account what Martha was preparing, but we do know her attitude. Jesus addresses it directly. "Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things." Martha was stressed. She had more to do than time in the day to get it done. (We all know what that feels like!)
There is nothing worse than a stressed-out host. It steals the joy from everyone around the table. The old saying, "If mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy", is true. We have a way of letting our bad mood spread through our home and family. We influence the emotional temperature of our home by our attitude.
I have regretful memories of being this stressed-out mother. For some reason, preparing our home for guests brought out the worst in me. With three young children underfoot, I often struggled to keep our home tidy and 'visitor ready'. There were toys and household clutter scattered around our home all the time.
When we were expecting guests, I turned into a monster, yelling orders at my kids to pick up their things and tidy their rooms. When the guests arrived, I was all smiles, and everything was under control, but we were all exhausted from my tantrum. It wasn't pretty. (Tell me I'm not the only one.)
I wonder if Jesus was addressing Martha's attitude more than her acts of service. If she were preparing a meal with a loving and generous spirit rather than being stressed and worried, Jesus' response might have been very different. Jesus is not undervaluing the tasks of hospitality and homemaking. He is addressing the heart attitude we serve with. When our service turns us into a cranky monster, it's time to hear Jesus' rebuke.
set your priorities
Mary chose what was better at that time. Even when there were other jobs to do, it was okay for Mary to spend time learning at Jesus' feet. A woman's work is never done. (I'm pulling out all the cliche's today.) Our domestic work is essential. Our families don't thrive without a devoted homemaker managing the complexity of family life. But, some things are more important than a clean home and an organised laundry—our relationship with Jesus. No matter how busy we are, spending time connecting with our Saviour is a higher priority.
We make time for the most important things. Some seasons of family life are more difficult than others, and our devotional life changes in different stages of life, but it can never get side-lined entirely by busyness. It's hard in a world full of distractions and interruptions, but we can cultivate a thriving devotional life when we give it a high priority.
There are so many ways we can connect with God. I wrote a post, "16 Ways to Get More Bible into your Day", with ideas of bringing faith into your life. There are apps, journals, podcasts, blogs and albums to help. We can read, listen to, write and sing God's word. We need to make a choice to turn off the tv, radio, and social media for a few minutes each day to cultivate our relationship, sit at Jesus' feet, and choose what is better.
There are some days when I hear Jesus' rebuke. "Christine, Christine, you are worried and upset about many things." It is an invitation, "Come and sit with me." When I dare to let go of the expectations and make nurturing the relationship with my Saviour a higher priority, He meets with me and transforms my attitude. I can release the stress and accept His peace. I am released from my to-do list and find my value in my relationship with Him.
I don't think there is a balance to be found between Mary and Martha. I believe we can serve our family and community in a godly way while still making our relationship with God a priority. We can learn to serve without the stress and worry that Martha displayed by prioritising time spent with Jesus like Mary. When our Martha attitude starts to come out, we need to practice being like Mary and spend time at Jesus' feet.
This isn't easy in the busyness of family life. But there are few simple practices that will help.
Review your expectations. Are there ways you can simplify your family life to relieve some of the stress and busyness? Remember, hospitality is not about the food; it is about the time spent together.
Keep a check on your attitude. Catch a rising temper early and take a moment to get your anxiety under control before it bubbles out.
Regularly spend time with God. Read or listen to God's word. Speak out or write down your prayers. Sing along to worship music. Connect to a local church family. Make your relationship with Jesus a priority, and allow Him to transform your life.
